My 89-year-old grandma passed away on the 13th early morning. She had been sleeping(unconscious) since May only with IV. It’s weird feeling among family like sadness with relief, you know? Or the Japanese word “Dai-oujou” makes us feel easy. ( Dai-oujou means a good life, like living long enough and died of old age. )
It was the first funeral for my kids. They had never seen a remain ever. So, i guess it’s kind of shock for them. They were scared at first, but.. they gradually got used to it, and then stared at her so carefully! Their curiosity overcame fear.
At the cremation place, Momo hadn’t known what would happen next before my explanation. She said “It’s too rough for her! You never burn her?! “. Tatsu knew the fact people must be cremated, but still he looked shocked seeing the place he was standing at like the steel doors, and spooky sound of fire, polite but cold face men on duty, they put someone’s casket into it so naturally, etc.. The final moment to say good-bye to grandma, we wetted a small branch in the water and spread it around on her casket. It’s one of ritual manner, but this one was so easy to understand for kids why they did so.
My kids learned a lot. The way people passed away from this world. The way how to say the final good-bye. The meaning to live. The meaning of family. My grandmother taught them a lot with her own body.
2 and a half hours later, we met her bones. So fragile and thin. Again, Momo was scared to watch them. Moreover, you have to pick up these small pieces of bones with long chopsticks and put bones into a pot to bring it back home! So scary for kids, I guess. But! ( you knew it?) Momo got used to it again, and she tried to pick up much bigger bone. OMG….It’s not a competition, Momo.
I won’t let them do like that if it was not my grandma funeral. But i knew she was smiling by our side to see her grandchildren picking up her bones so hard!
It was an easy and peaceful funeral. One thing I regret….I should have talked to her much more after I became an adult. I don’t know how she survived the war and had raised 5 children. It’s too late to regret.
I am sorry for your loss.
I rarely comment but I just wanted you know I enjoy your blog very much.
Today I felt your pain and yet peaceful acceptance of what we will all face, such a good mum you are, we also had a death in our family this summer, our grandson who is twelve had never seen death before, its a learning experience and I think its healthy for them to understand.Picking up the remaining bones with chop sticks is very curious to me, we don’t do that here in canada but we do bring the remains after cremeation home to do what we want, bury or distibute in a prearranged spot.My deepest condolences to you and your family, such a tender way of writing you have, blessing and good wishes to you from canada,
まぁ…お悔やみを申し上げます。私のばあちゃんも2年前のちょうど今頃亡くなったので、読んでてなんだか泣きそうになりました。人が死ぬのはしゃーないことだけど、まー、慣れない嫌なものです。子供ってこういうことよく覚えてるんですよね、4歳の甥っ子はそれから8カ月後に幼稚園に入園して、幼稚園で流れる曲が、どことなくばあちゃんのお葬式で流れた音楽と雰囲気が似てるように感じたみたいで、しばらく「悲しいから幼稚園行きたくない」って言ってたみたいです。Momoちゃんもきっと色々感じたことあるんだろうな。
aiさん
ご無沙汰です。そうでしたね、aiさんのおばあさんが亡くなられた記事読ませていただきましたっけ。。
人の最後をあまりリアルに考えることはない子供（当然だけど）に、具体的にどうなるか、て教える機会でもありました。
私にとっても、やっぱり宗教て必要だなと。儀式がないと心にけじめがつかないのかもしれないな、とか思いました。
aiさんのブログも時々のぞかせてもらってますよ。aiさんの写真が好きなんで。(*^_^*)
では、また！
Im sorry to know of your Grandmother’s passing Naoko. My grandmother’s passing last year is still difficult for me to accept.
Sorry for my lack of visits and comments, been so busy with less time online nowadays
My condolences to you and your family. My own grandfather passed away last June, while I was visiting Japan so I felt completely powerless and unable to see my family right in time of grief nor attend his funeral.